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WIKIPEDIA'S GUIDE TO HUMO(U)RAccording to Wikipedia, Humour or humor (see spelling differences) is the ability or quality of people, objects, or situations to evoke feelings of amusement in other people. Using Wikipedia's TECHNIQUES FOR COMPOSING HUMOUR, I'd like to try some jokes on you, the audience! INHERENTLY FUNNY WORDS: Zimzam, Wikipedia, Snufflepooper, Gawunga, Ewok, Rapey-wapey, Gondola, Granola, Fuddlesticks, Multiple Sclerosis, etc. VIOLA JOKES (STEREOTYPING): SICK JOKES: I ate my own poop to make daddy happy. (Non-Fiction) NON VERBAL JOKES: .....................
RIDDLE: Q:What's black and has three fingers? HYPERBOLE: I'm so lonely I had sex with my dog/hamster/parakeet! or My penis is 8" long!* I hope you've enjoyed these jokes I've crafted! Just remember, Wikipedia says that "Some claim that humour cannot or should not be explained." THANKS WIKIPEDIA! *EDITOR'S NOTE: One of these statements is not hyperbole. ;) ;) ;) (The dog was the only one that lived. njk.**) **njk = "not just kidding" REAL THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME TODAYI woke up at 12 noon, whenever I wanted to. Today, when happened to be 12 noon. I woke up and rolled out of bed and put on my suit, my Versace suit, my free suit that was given to me for free by Versace himself because he said "I'm so cool". I showered and shaved in 1 minute, beating my previous record of 1 minute and 1 second. With my suit on. I decided to grab some food from Tommy's Pizza in New York so I flew there on my jet. We got there in 5 minutes and I sat in Tommy's for however long I wanted, it was an hour this time, and ate forty pizzas because they are so good and they are also free because Tommy, the owner, thinks I'm "so cool". He also said that my suit was the nicest suit he had ever seen. Well, I don't know about that. After Tommy's I walked around Central Park and pointed and three girls and they gave me oral sex for five hours on a park bench. It was 73 degrees and sunny with a light breeze for all five of those hours. Some cops thought about stopping us, and maybe arresting us, but I just shot my laser beam eyes at them and they disappeared in a cloud of smoke. After the girls were done with the oral sex and I had orgasmed for an hour, which is how long I wanted to orgasm today, I decided to fly back home, to my home on the moon, to play moon soccer with my moon dog, Rex. I got to the moon in 5 minutes, beating my previous record of 6 minutes and 10 seconds, probably because I was flying the rocketship myself. I played moon soccer with Rex for 5 hours and then flew to Saturn to skateboard on the rings for five minutes before I decided to sleep for 40 years because I was sleepy and wanted to sleep for 40 years today. So I got home at around 9pm, my favorite time of night, and put on my pure gold pajamas, but they are also pure thousand count threaded cotton too, just with the gold in them too to look so cool, and read the best book ever written, my favorite book, the one I wrote in 5 minutes, until I fell asleep. Kevin texted me around 2am but I was sleeping. MY LIL' SOLDIERS
the soldiers above are having a blast!
The hottest thing since Furby, My Lil' Soldiers™ have trained hard in the dark art of bloodshed to bring the complete Child Army experience right to your home! My Lil' Soldiers™ are the perfect solution to any predicament, whether it be a guerrilla peasant uprising, an angry mob/protest, or Smokey the fucking Bear™* after a long night speedballs, these guys GET THE JOB DONE, no questions asked**. Each one of these little bastards*** can pump a cool hundred rounds of 7.62x39mm ammunition into a tin can from three hundred yards, as well as swing a machete twice their own size! There is no problem too big for My Lil' Soldiers™! NOW AVAILABLE IN THREE NEW FACTIONS!
So next time you're in the mood to pillage the Castle of the Crystalline Princess, raze a village in lieu of an oil field, or even take the Presidency by force, make sure to take your My Lil' Soldiers™ with you! THESE GUYS ARE ADORABLE, AREN'T THEY?! *"Smokey the Bear" is a trademark of the National Forest Association and is in no way affiliated with the My Lil' Soldier™ franchise, although he does remain a probable threat. He is a fucking Bear for Christ's† sake. **The cognitive ability to question authority has been erased due to severe beatings! ***My Lil' Soldier's are all 100% GUARANTEED ORPHAN or your money back! †Jesus "H-Dawg" Christ is in no way affiliated with the My Lil' Soldier™ franchise. THIS IS NOT FUNNY AT ALL
This isn't funny. DO YOU LIKE HIS HAT? |
